Blogger Log Volume One Part Five: Sorry About The Long Wait

September 29. 2004 Spent the last week and a half in Milwaukee, where unfortunately, I did not have internet access. Apologies goes out to the tens of singular numerical denomonations of fans that have anxiously awaited an update on JOB's mental health and thought patterns. Anyhoo, the situation is still hairy. I still don't know what's going on, my life is still on a crazy spiral that I have no control over. It's like everyone knows what's best for me, but me. I make the wrong decisions no matter what the decision is. Join the army??? Move back ten spaces. Choose full time employment over finishing school and getting a degree. Move back ten more spaces. Eat a Big Mac. Have a heart attack and die... please try again. Shoulda ate your Wheaties instead... Bo Jackson was on the box. I hear that equals extra ambition. 200 percent of the daily requirement. Doh!!! I don't have much to write as of this sitting. My mind has been a blank slate lately. All this stress is really taking a toll on my mental health. Stress and waiting, waiting and stressing out. Stressing out and trying to stay away from as much human contact as possible without locking myself away and flipping out. Goose frabba. Whatever... I got powerball tickets. The jackpots 130 million. C'mon... daddy needs a new life!!! Anyways, I'll keep you guys updated. I'll have more to write in the future.... hopefully.

Blogger Log Volume One Part Four: JOBNUMBER, The Nice

September 13, 2004 I've decided to post today, without any interesting turn of events in the past 24 hours, without any new thoughts, not even a fresh pair of underwear... yet. Here I am, hair askewed, listening to Jackie Chan's September Storm, getting hype on the New Police Story Movie. It looks pretty hype. Links are posted at http://Forums.Miltownkids.com, my crew's stomping grounds. Go there for the trailer and such, stay for the wierdness and comraderie that come with. As for me, I'm supposed to be at the machine shop welding some stuff together. But as of lately, all I've wanted to do was get back home to the Mil. (Milwaukee for the unknown). Right now, I really don't care if I was getting paid next week or not... I just can't wait to be back in a position where my life isn't hanging in limbo... not knowing where I'll be the next day, the next week, or the next month, wasting my life away for no reward and no recognition. At the very least, if I go back, I'll be able to once again attend classes. Get my life back together and start over again. I think I'd be much happier in that situation. Worry about myself and no one else. Save some money, buy a house, a boat, a bulldog, name him Mr. Shenanagans, (first name Baracus), and hopefully have little JOBNUMBER Jr's running around some day that I can enforce strict JOBNUMBER laws and knowledge upon. I've even toyed around with what I'd name my kids once they've entered the world. Names that I won't mention here, please forgive me, since there are some scandelous cats that might name their kids that first, and then I'll be left salty as a sea dog, whatever the hell that is. But, here I am. Mr. Too nice to say no. It's bad enough that I have been pretty much written out of the company, but here I am, too nice to say that if there's no future left for me here at this company, then I don't want to work anymore. If you can't afford to pay me, then I'd rather go back to Milwaukee, instead of doing tedious tasks to make sure you get your company the head start in the new territory and the glory that you're headed for, while I'm getting paid late and having to hear you moan about not having any money to feed your family. Nope, instead I offer to take the welding business to the Mil, making 15 grand a year... nearly four times less than what I was making before, and working almost twice as hard with no benefits. Mr. JOBNUMBER, so nice that it'd be a shame to let it go to waste, so let's squeeze every ounce we can get out of him. I don't need this... so why am I still here??? If it weren't for the parent company that he's working for, dangling a once in a lifetime chance to take over his old job here in St Louis, I would've been gone long ago. Sometimes, I wonder if the oppurtunity given me isn't just a courtesy given to my boss... so as to save face. Make it look like a genuine opportunity for me, get my hopes up, yet never once in their minds, have the thought of actually giving me the position. You know... just to make it look fine and dandy for the press. Too bad you didn't get it Jobby, better luck next time, at least you gave it your best... too bad it wasn't enough. No cares in the world that this is my life that they're rolling in their hands like a snowball that just won't form properly. I could be optimistic and go in one hundred and twenty percent charged up and ready to go... but for me optimism is dead, it died long ago, haven't paid my respects to the nearly departed... and I don't care to. I don't give a damn if I get the position or not. Hell... I don't even want the position. JOBNUMBER the nice, is so nice in fact, that if I don't take this opportunity, I, in some way or another, feel like I am letting my boss down. Like I would never hear the last of it if I didn't make the most of my rare chance. Hell, I don't even like St Louis. It only garnered my attention because of all the restaurants and shops that litter the streets like crackheads trying to wash your windows. But that's when I had money. The shops don't look too good, now that I'm broke as a joke, needing to sell the socks on my feet to stay afloat, looking like the same crackheads that I talked about ten seconds ago. Friends are free... and all my friends are in the Mil, where I want to be. well, except for the ones in MN and Taiwan. But what can you do, huh??? Keep everything bottled up... cry about it in your blog as though a magic fairy would read it, swoop down and make everything better with a Life-Sized Cure All Band Aid. The real dilemma is not what to do with my career, I could care less about money... but whether or not I should, (or CAN for that matter), let everyone down to make myself happy. Or let myself down to make everyone else happy, which I very well know that JOBNUMBER, The Nice can do... and do so very well. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Blogger Log Volume One Part Three: JOBNUMBER is literate... no, really, I am!!!

September 12, 2004 For nearly five months, the Harry Potter books have sat in my possession... unopened, unread, unloved. Kinda like Harry Potter himself, I've come to learn. Anyways, since opening the first book yesterday, not long after coming home from the St Louis Chili Cookoff, and just after exiting the bathroom, kinda dissapointed because I had absolutely nothing to read on the can, I've been hooked. Maybe it's because the story is eerily similar to many anime series I've been fond of in the past. The main character kinda sucks at life, but always keeps his head up, Tupac style. He has hidden unlocked powers and talents that are bursting at the seams that he doesn't even know about, yet he's still the underdog that everyone roots for, hoping that his powers come out all Tsunami-like to bust a cap in the ass of evil. His past is as mysterious as it is majestic, and he has an arch nemesis that everyone loves to hate. Mix this up, simmer for a minute, and you have all the ingredients necessary to make a tasty five bean soup of anime goodness. It might also be because it's written at a fourth grade reading level. That could be it. Me not that smart.

Blogger Log Volume One Part Two: Three Wins, One Loss... Mass Sodium Aftertaste

September 10th, 2004 So yesterday, I decided it would be nice to go to the casino. I've been hooked as of lately to the magical blinking lights and majestic clinks and clanks of the spinning slot machines. I think there hasn't been a day when I haven't been to a casino. It was nearing 1:30 PM, a little early to be heading to the casino... but I was starving. I hadn't eaten all day, so I was getting a little jittery. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone... hit the casino's all you could eat buffet, and then head on over to play some blackjack or something. Too bad they don't have Casino Bookworm. Cause I rock at that game. Rock it hard too. Because of the time, traffic was blinging. I don't mean to be stereotypical or anything... but I don't think St Louisian's have cought on to this thing I like to call driving. Hell, I'm not a fan of defensive driving, but these guys have a blatant disregard for red lights, speed limits, pedestrians, road monkeys, common courtesy and just plain, good, old fashioned common sense. Every hour, I see more than ten people rush the red light Emmit Smith style. Thank goodness this isn't Taiwan... cause I'd see more flipped mopeds around. Anyhoo, on the way to the casino, I see this green beamer doing about 95, coming up real fast on my six. I'm only doing 70, so I speed up a little to change lanes and let the bastard pass me. Little to my knowledge, while I was checking my rear views and blind spots to make sure I could switch over safely... there was a freaking cop, sitting on the side of the road, clocking me and no one else. Them bitches ain't about shit. Ten minutes later, I'm back on the road, with another speeding violation and a salty forecast in the weather. At least the fucker didn't keep me sitting there for forty minutes, Milwaukee Pork style, so my intent to drop some Wu Tang Flying Meteor style on his ass wasn't as overwhelming like all the other times. But I digress... this shit ain't spoiling my gambling, god dammit. At this point, I'm ready to gnaw my arm off. My stomache is growling like mad, so I bee line it to the buffet line. Doh!!! Closed until 4PM dinner time. SONS OF BITCHES!!! I got there just in time to see the lady close off the buffet queue, and tell me to come back later and to have a nice day. The Wu Tang Flying Meteor style was inevitable at this point... someone was gonna die. But alas... a turning point??? As if the karma spiral had completed a revolution right then and there, the casino manager just happens to walk by and saw the power of the Wu Tang Flying Meteor styles flowing though my veins. Actually... it was more like he saw my ass, walking away all dissapointed like with the thought of missing out on all you can eat pork chops, and he felt sorry for me. He stopped me, apologized and asked if I wanted a complimentary. A complimentary what??? Hong Kong style massage with release??? No thanks burly guy, I'm good on that tip. But he grabs my player's card from my hand and takes off with it. He mutters something to me, but I couldn't hear with all the racket of the slot machines. I follow him, cause it's a pain in the ass to get another player's card. Confused, I stand at the front desk as he's jotting some stuff down on his computer. Ten minutes later, he hands me my card, and a twenty dollar casino check to use at any of the restaurants in the casino. Killer Boots man. And here's where it all snowballs. I go to the Sports Bar, cause at this time, the Sports Bar was the only restaurant open in the place. While I'm waiting to get seated... I see that the Roller Coaster Tycoon Pinball machine is loaded with 5 credits. BINGO!!! I ask for the table located closest to the machine and rock it out proper. I use 2 credits, won an extra credit, got bored with the machine and ordered my food. With twenty bucks, I managed to get three Heinekens, a Cheesburger with waffle fries, and a mud pie. The bill came out to twenty dollars and thrity one cents. SLAPADOODLEPOP!!! I put 5 dollars and thirty one cents on the table to cover the rest plus tip, and I'm off. I'm basically running on karma right now, so I'm quick to jump on a table. But alas... table games are closed before 5PM. FUCK!!! Whatever... I saved twenty bucks on food... might as well use it on a slot machine. You know, give back to the community that gave to you. Anyhoo, twenty bucks equals 80 credits on a quarter slot. I was kinda tipsy offa three Hienies, so time kinda flew by like a mofo. Before long, I'm down to about 30 credits and my karma was running low as well. I decide to give it one last spin, before I cash out and go somewhere else. And luck smiles upon me once again. 300 credits.. pladow!!! In your face, Jesus!!! But instead of cashing out like a smart person would do, I put an extra dollar in for shits and giggle... next spin... 100 more credits!!! Bam... in just a few hours, I sextuple my cash, if that's a word, I just like saying sex. Not bad for a guy that is born with bad luck. Anyhoo, the winnings will just about cover the cost of my ticket. So instead of losing, I break even... sorta. And look... I'm now looking at the bright side of things. My insurance is gonna rape me some more on them premiums, however, but hopefully Geico can help my ass in that department.

Blogger Log Volume One Part One: JOB Mentality

September 9th, 2004 Today started out like any other day. I usually wake up, throw some shorts on, a t shirt, brush my teeth, excrete waste, and jump on the computer to play Yahoo! Grafiti or online Candyland or something. Today was no different... instead of Grafiti, I played Bookworm. I rock at that game. Rock it hard too. After that I check my emails... I don't know why... no one really emails my bitter ass. But it's nice to know that stamina isn't everything... size matters too. It's so nice to know, that I don't care that I get forty thousand emails a day stating that. Thank you ljsgsabfusbd@hotmail.com, I appreciate those emails, they confirm my existence.... They complete me. Anyhoo... I've been pondering a dilemma for quite some time. Work or school, money or knowledge??? I've hit a fork in the road of life and I don't know which path to take. Damn, it would be nice to say fuck it all and go out "Eldest Brother" style. If you don't get the inside joke, don't worry... it's not important. On one hand, you have financial freedom. Making boku bucks, working easy hours, but living far from family and friends. On the other, I'd go to school... I'd be broke as a joke, having to give up everything I own and know... but I'll be closer to home, and I'd be better set in the future for what I WANT to do. But does money equal happiness??? I used to think it did. I was proud that I had everything on lock. There were times when I couldn't pay a bill on time for the life of me. And then I got a good job, had money to do whatever I wanted, to buy whatever I wanted. It was sweet. So then came a chance to up the ante. The risk was high, but I didn't care... the thought of more money for less work was just too great for me to resist. So decided to pick up, leave everything and move without the least bit of thought. Anyhoo, things didn't work out as I had hoped. I'm now at a point where I don't think that this job is for me. If I pursue it, I could make tons of money, and have whatever I want. But like I said... is that what I really want???